10 Silent Killers That Break Love Marriages

If marriages are made in heaven, then what happens to marriages that break? Are they made in hell? Love and marriage are two beautiful words when connected together to give a sense of eternity and blissfulness. Yet at certain times the same words when joined together give so much pain and stress that their mutual amputation seems to be the only way out.

10 Silent Killers That Break Love Marriages

Marriages based out of love often run into a dearth of love in the long run. The same love that we fight for at the beginning of a relationship seems to be the reason for running away from it. A report from The Telegraph, UK brings out the fact that studies further revealed that divorce rates are even higher within the first two years of marriages. According to a study done by the University professors from Utah, it was evident that couples whether married or in live-in relationships have similar reasons for breakups while the couples who intended to stay in the existing relationship had different reasons.

Love and relationships often take a dramatic turn in our lives making us wonder if ever there was true love in the beginning. This list is an effort to explore and discover 10 shocking truths why love marriages break.

10 Silent Killers That Break Love Marriages

1. Fading Romance

Imagine a situation when we are locked in a room along with our special someone for days having no open windows to peep to the outside world. While it may sound very fascinating and exciting in the first one or two days, surely on the third day we would be hunting for the keys to get out of that place! The same situation happens with love and romance fades away with no freshness and refill of passion.

Fading Romance

A beautiful rose that you simply cherish loses its very charm after a period of time. The juicy lime that you once brought from the market becomes stale and rotten after some time. Nothing in life is permanent. However, if you sprinkle some sugar on rose petals it could become a Gulkand. If you add salts to lemon, it turns out to be a great pickle that might taste even better than before. An old love can trigger fresh attraction if we nurture and revive it from time to time. Sadly in most cases, love takes a back seat and gets replaced with our responsibilities, duties, and financial issues that take strong control over our romance.

2. Inbuilt resentments

Fights are very common and in fact healthy when you are in a romantic relationship. It makes us vocal about our problems, needs, and issues. However, what is important is the elasticity of the relationship. How we get back together even after the worst of fights?  Words are powerful weapons that can even tear us apart from within. The wounds of love are intense and cause various physical and mental stress. Therefore, it is very important that you heal the wounds in time. Wounds, when left unattained, might seem to heal up naturally over the period of time but the hurt you get from it never heals.

Couples in marital relationships borne out of love often tend to be very nasty and brutal in their verbatim unknowingly hurting the other person to the core. They often overlook the importance of getting back and making up for the venom spat as either feels too shy or too egoistic to own up. In the process, such a relationship becomes a compromise. The piled-up hurts and inbuilt resentment becomes heavier and difficult to carry over the years and one day they just feel it is enough and time to say goodbye to marriage and love relationship.

3. Over expectation and taking things for granted

When you marry the person you love your expectation level becomes higher and higher. In contrast to this, when you marry the person whom you do not know well, like in traditional Indian arranged marriages, the expectation level is very low because you hardly know one another.

The unmet expectation is often a silent killer in marital relationships. We tend to imagine so many things, especially before marriage. Post marriage those dreams seemed to become a distant reality. It is because those dreams were not grounded in reality. The reality comes when you get married! However, this does not mean that marriage breaks all dreams. Marriage keeps you rooted and bonded. Couples in marriages often take each other granted as they feel they know the other person too well to ask questions or take advice when needed. When one of the partners makes a sudden plan for the weekend with a family friend without letting the other person know it is a sign of taken for granted. When couples fail to appreciate one another, it is should be a red flag alert for a relationship.

4. No attraction and mystery

Nothing could prevent a break up in a marital relationship if there is no attraction left in the relationship. We all love to be fascinated, bewildered, and captivated by love. A sense of mystery and passion develop while getting to know one another. That mystery and puzzle seem to get solved and cracked sooner than expected and we become bored.

One of the main reasons why married relationships lose charm and passion is when it becomes stagnant. Stability is the pillar of marriage no doubt but static relationships can never grow. In most cases, love marriages become an open solved mystery book that we do not want to read it again and again. When there is no sequel to that book, it indeed becomes dull and lugubrious. We become roommates rather than love-mates.

5. Lack of communication

Couples without commitments and relationships spend a lot and a lot of time, money, and effort into getting to know one another. From regular phone calls to chatting in social media, to Instagram sharing of images, they almost share everything and anything possible. When the same couple gets into a marital relationship, they try to concentrate on more tangible kinds of stuff like stability in career, getting a proper house, arranging for finance which is no doubt important. However, the problem comes when we only concentrate on the material things in life and neglect the basic function of staying connected to one another.

Lack of communication

The couple that used to spend hours and hours in the phone together staying connected hardly calls once in a day except when to get the grocery done or if the kids are being picked up or not. This lack of communication is one of the silent killers in breaking marriages.

6. Lack of private moments:

Privacy and secrecy in a relationship make it more attractive and passionate. Married couples become so engrossed in social circles and professional life that they fail to give personal time to one another. When kids are born and the family gets extended it is another setback to privacy as we suddenly become parents from couples. Responsibility and duties take the front seat and our secret romantic passions become an illusion.

Further, when our newly adopted hobby becomes our passion whether it is about grooming our body or enjoying a particular sport, or learning favorite cuisine, getting involved in politics or some social cause, we tend to get more satisfaction outside of our relationship leaving our partner lost and lonely. Couples at this point of time drift apart with wounds and resentments. While having a hobby is a positive trait, we should be alert not to give up our private moments with our partners at the cost of our newly developed passion.

7. Love that does not grow

Living things grow. We have learned this probably in primary school. Love is also a living entity though not in an empirical sense. Love needs to be nurtured and cared to be grown. Just like a plant that needs a sufficient amount of sunlight, water, and soil to grow, the love and passion that we have in our relationship need to grow over time. When love in a relationship stops growing it kills it silently even before you know.

8. Parental pressure and approval

When we fall in love we never look for the approval of our parents and relatives though it is not a bad idea to know what they feel and understand. However, the funny fact is that couples who fight for love and get married against their parents or society often split apart post marriage. Often too much interference from the couple’s parents results in the breaking of relationships according to sources in the newspaper, Hindu.

9. Limerence

Often the flame of passion and love that we have for our partner proves to be limerence, a state of mind when we are in absolute fantasy and romanticize everything about the person we love. It means obsessive thoughts, emotional dependency, and physical intimacy. That same passion of love and flame vanishes over time leaving us messy and perplexed to rethink if it was love that we felt a few months or days back. Well, limerence has strong reasons to be blamed as a killer for marital happiness but it is not to be taken in absolute terms.

Robert Sternberg, a professor in human development came up with a triangular theory that says that love has three components. Intimacy, passion, and commitment. While the first two could be a kind of limerence leading to heated moments of infatuation leading to fantasy, the third factor which is commitment is something that is the backbone of a stable relationship. Yet love does not consist of one side of the triangle. We need three sides to complete it. The more love, passion, and intimacy we have the greater is the side of the commitment. 

10. The growing use of technology and the Internet

Time has changed and so did the language of love and relationship. The growing use of technology and the internet can often do more damage to the relationship than doing well. One big example of this could be cyber-straying wherein one of the partners covertly looks for some old flames from childhood sweethearts or high school crush despite being happily married and committed to one another. We have so many options today to get connected. Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp, we have everything we need, thanks to the internet. The temptation of finding someone sexier, healthier becomes very strong to resist. The only way we can get away with it is to avoid it.

Keep loving & keep sharing,

Cheers,

Happy Parenting!